By Erica Landis –
I once dressed up as a giant yellow Pikachu. I was newly in crush with my now husband and he needed someone to wear this rented costume outside the video game store he managed.
“I’ll do it!” I said.
“You will?” he said.
“Sure, why not?” I said.
“But you don’t even know who Pikachu is,” he said.
He was right. I didn’t know who Pikachu was. Or anything about Pokémon or video games for that matter And I didn’t care to learn. But I did want to impress him.
So, for two sweaty hours, I stood outside a New Jersey strip mall waving at families, hugging little children, and chuckling at the obnoxious teenagers with smartass comments. That feeling of anonymity and safety was an unexpected bonus. Being able to walk amongst society completely hidden yet fully on display was so appealing. Sheltered. Protected.
It’s morning 2024 . I mentally run through where I will be that day.
– Supermarket
– Bring a return to Walmart
– Zoom with a new client
– School pickup
Do I put on my Star of David? Do I put on my more subtle Shema? Do I put on my more cryptic Chai? Do I hide my pendants under my shirt like a superpower? Do I use them only to identify myself in safety with other Jews? Or with those I am sure are allies?
My last name can pass. My looks can pass too. “You don’t look Jewish” and “you don’t act Jewish” were common compliments in my youth before I knew they were not compliments.
Hiding my Judaica necklaces feels as if I’m renting that Pikachu costume all over again, but without the warm hugs and furry high fives to everyone I silently greeted that day twenty years ago. Pikachu was my shelter from my everyday life, back when being Jewish didn’t feel like a secret I needed to keep on the down low. I just was Jewish – just as I prefer ketchup to mustard or chocolate to vanilla.
Now my safe shelter is tucking in my Jewish star, blending in with the diverse and unpredictable population I live amongst. My safe shelter is also wearing my star visible and proud when I find myself amongst other Jews and allies, enjoying a shelter I never imagined needing so much.
Erica Landis is a NYC-based writer.
