By Howard Feldman –

It turned out that my parents were liars. And not very good ones. It was the late 1970s, and we had travelled from South Africa to London for the first time. When the Nigerian taxi driver innocently asked
where we were from, my mother promptly and proudly declared, “Australia!” My father, however, at the same time, in his thick Afrikaans accent, mumbled something about being from Germany. At ten years old, I was awash with a profound sense of shame. And confusion. Has my whole world been a lie and am I from a geographically broken home?

It’s not like we had even been to Australia.

My parents weren’t architects of apartheid. They were no kingpins of the regime. As children of survivors from Hitler’s Europe, they bore the scars of their parents’ suffering. They grew up in a world where being noticed was dangerous, understanding all too well how closely the apartheid regime had flirted with Nazi
ideology. And so. Like many others they resisted the system in their own quiet ways, even sheltering individuals pursued by the apartheid police.

Not that they could explain all this to the taxi driver.

Fast forward to today, and I imagine Israeli travelers, given the demonization of the country, might feel a similar urge to adopt creative nationalities. In the spirit of camaraderie, and considering how poorly the South African government has behaved towards Israel, here are some useful tips for traveling incognito:

Master the Art of the Vague Accent:
Blend various accents to create an untraceable linguistic concoction. A hint of Australian with a dash of Scottish can leave listeners bewildered and disinclined to probe further.

Choose Your New Nationality Wisely:
Opt for countries that evoke neutrality or confusion. No one wants to be Canadian. Or French. Telling people you’re from Lichtenstein not only sounds impressive but also deters further questioning, as most won’t dare admit they have no idea where it is. To be honest, I’m not even sure I do.

Develop a Backstory:
Be prepared with details about your adopted homeland. Memorize a few key facts about the local cuisine, landmarks, and cultural quirks to add authenticity to your tale.

Avoid the Hummus Trap
I get it. Israel invented, popularised and serves the best hummus. Not going to argue that. But being from Lichtenstein, that hardly matters to you. Many a traveller has been lured into what seems like an innocent conversation about chickpeas. Don’t fall victim to this deadly ruse.

Dress the Part:
Incorporate subtle elements from your chosen country into your attire. A strategically placed maple leaf pin can reinforce your claim of being Canadian, or a strategically placed beret underscore you being French. Not that we should consider those viable alternatives at the moment.

Handle Slip-Ups Gracefully:
If caught in a fib, feign confusion and blame jet lag. A bewildered expression and a mumbled apology can work wonders. Apologising will also throw them off thinking you are Israeli.

Know When to Confess:
Sometimes, honesty is the best policy. If you sense genuine interest or goodwill, revealing your true nationality can lead to meaningful exchanges and mutual understanding

In the grand tapestry of international travel, where accents blend and passports become mere accessories, perhaps the ultimate takeaway is this: Being is Israeli is something to be proud of. There is no doubting that. That said, whether you’re dodging awkward questions from inquisitive taxi drivers or artfully sidestepping the hummus debate, the essence of the journey lies not in the identity you present, but in the experiences you gather.

So, whether you’re a self-proclaimed Lichtensteiner, a faux Canadian, or simply yourself, embrace the adventure with humor, grace, and a well-rehearsed backstory. After all, travel is less about the destination and more about the tales you collect—and occasionally, the ones you invent along the way.

Howard Feldman is a radio talk show host, columnist, social media commentator, and author of Carry-on Baggage, Tightrope and Smile, Dammit! He doesn’t count the South African government amongst his fans.